And Then What?

To quote a play, "It's like you've wanted something for so long, you don't know what kind of person you would be without the hurt." What happens when we get what we want?

I'm the type of person who wants with a passion. I want so hard that it hurts sometimes. So when I actually get what I want, I sometimes am disappointed because the high of wanting is over. This is when I realize that wanting things is not really about the object, though that is a big part of it, but rather 'wanting things' is about the process of discovering of the object, then proceeding to fall in love with it, and then spending every spare minute, and some occupied minutes, thinking and obsessing over that object. Of course we complain to our friends about how much we hate that we think about this all the time, but the reality is that we are attracted to things that create this excitement in our lives. It's interesting how often this happens in my life, but I am living proof, that getting it is sometimes not enough.

Like for me, as a recruited athlete, choosing college was a bit different and complicated compared to your average college applicant. I enjoyed the calls from various coaches, the bargaining and pleading for me to understand why their school was an ideal fit for me, and why I was the best athlete to complete their team. I publicly "agonized" in the choices that I was given claiming that it was stressful trying to juggle it all, but in secret, I was so excited to bask in all the attention. Coaches were paying attention, peers were paying attention, teachers were paying attention, even the principal was paying attention, and I would be a fool not to be caught up in the hoop-lah.

When I finally chose schools, it was an easy choice. It was a matter of days when I found I got in, and let me tell you: I was disappointed. How dare the attention dissipate. How dare I get the thing I wanted my entire life. I was happy with the school choice, don't get me wrong, but it was over. All the buildup, all the calls, ended with me getting exactly what I always wanted, and I was upset. I didn't have the romanticized excitement surrounding college decisions anymore. I was left alone with this wonderful school, and I simply wasn't happy, at first.

This sounds completely ridiculous and outrageous, but we have ALL gone through this, and it's disappointing every time. We get over it, eventually, but we miss all the drama at first. I got over the not having to not apply to 13o433473 schools but for a while I went through a time of depression, a time of longing for the tv version of senior year of high school. It's so common for us to make the process of getting something so much more exciting than the prize in the end, and that is setting ourselves for dissappointment. What do we do when we get what we want?

Well, theoretically, we should rejoice, dance for joy, and be excited for what the future holds, but I have a feeling most of us long for the excitement that once was, and eventually get over that. Then we move on to feigning happiness in our opportunity, up until we are actually happy with our desired object. Am I saying we are never happy with what we get? No not at all, but there is a process of mourning that takes place for us to appreciate what we get in the end. But once all that nonsense is over, then we are left with something that we truly have worked our hardest to get, and really appreciate.