Distractions Are A Good Thing?

School started. This is a time when distractions reign free. Embrace them.

You fight to forget something in the summer, because you have the time to think, and live, and be free, and be happy, and be hurt. However, during the school year, this leisure goes away and that's not such a bad thing. Maybe it's time to forget, and get distracted. Maybe it's time for classes to consume your every thought. Dinner plans to sop up whatever is left. Going out demands it's own spread of attention. Not to mention extracurriculars.

The school year is the time to forget, and remember what ever you want. This is the time when prioritizing is such a necessity, that everything can't make the list of what you want to think about. Sure you could spend time obsessing about that boy or girl, but there is sooooo much to be distracted by. Yeah, the problem will still be there, but eventually, if you keep moving forward, focusing on what you want, time naturally fades what once seemed to consumed every spare thought you had floating around.

The summer was when every little thing seemed so important, and every plea seemed desperate, and every hope seemed singular, but now that school has officially kicked off, focus on school, and let yourself be the thing that drives your action, because worrying school and all it's nuances are enough stress for now.

Win, Lose, or Forfeit

We all have our ways of thinking, ways of gathering information, and then using this information to make assessments about the future.

With my mind, it happens like this: an event happens. The information from the event enters my mind, the database. I then have to sort through the data, and put them in the appropriate folders that have already been created. With this system, everything is neatly compartmentalized, but sometimes, things can go wrong.

A scenario could happen where too many events happen at once, and the little people in my head are scrambling to put it away fast enough. They are trying to put everything in the appropriate folder, and the more things that happen, the more the little people in my mind (which I will now refer to as the Zoops) search around, going as fast as I can to put stuff away. Unfortunately, there can be an overload, and there is a back up in the system. There is too much to put away, so the system begins to shut down, and when that happens watch out. I don't have access to my folders anymore so I might say things that are out of character, and that could be disasterous.

To prevent this or to stop it before it reaches this point, it is necessary for me to take time off from people, and give my little Zoops the chance to sort everything into folders, and tidy everything away. If there is a back up, the right thing to do is not give my mind information, but rather to stop before the threshold and maintain sanity. These are the times where I am alone, and I just need time to think. When this happens, crisis averted.

Now another thing that could go wrong in this system is that I get information that I have never had to deal with before, and I don't already have a folder created for this information. The Zoops are then put into a frenzy trying to make a folder and appropriately label the folder for easy access but because I have never had experience with the information, I'm not totally sure how to process it; I'm not totally sure what to do with it. I'm not even totally sure what it is. So at this point, there is a time to freak out, not know what is going on, what the information really is, or even if the information will implode. I watch this information, and poke at it until in time I figure it out, or until I put it in a folder called UNKNOWN, and not fiddle with it until further notice.

Shocking information is also another thing that shakes the Zoops right up. Here they are, neatly putting things away, making sure the folders are neatly organized, labeled, and laminated. However, when something totally shocking, something totally unexpected, something totally out of the ordinary happens, the BOOM! What to do, what to do??? They didn't plan for back-up, and this is so large that Zoops who are normally stationed in specific departments are then having to leave their posts, and go take care of the situation. But since they left their post, the work they would normally do goes unattended creating a huge mess.

In the end, there is some stabilization whether I want it or not, either by me taking some time off, or by my mind completely shutting off and having a break down. This is a plea to those who find themselves in a place where they seem to lose control. Take some time off, gather your thoughts and spend some time alone. Get away from people, things, anything that could threaten you and push you over the edge and find yourself, because if you neglect your mind, you have forfeited your sanity.

Who Knew? Ears DO Have A Purpose.

You know what's stressful? Growing up. Growing up can stress someone out to the point of complete insanity, because while it seems to be exciting and fun, you have no choice in the matter; you have no options, no chance to say no thanks I'm gonna return that, and maybe I will come back next week.

For those who think you are ready to take the steps toward adulthood, to make the move to be independent from all you know and have become comfortable with, congratulations, because you are farther along than most of us. You have a plan, you have a goal, and you are ready to be on your own and make that goal your first independent achievement. You consider yourself a go-getter prepared for anything that comes your way. Why do you need anyone's advice or voice? Why do you need to listen to anyone?

However, the best laid plans are meant to be broken. It's always at the point when we think we are set that everything goes awry. It's a classic case of attack of Murphy's Law. Here's a classic example:

When I was younger, the Nigerians in my community, of which I was one, had a yearly celebration that commemorated the independence Nigeria achieve from its formal colonizers, Britain. It was a time where we would dress up in our loudest and proudest regalia, and eat Nigerian food and socialize with Nigerian people. We took this organization seriously by having monthly meetings, a scholarship fund, achieve tax-deductible status: we took this organization very seriously.

Of course, my father, being the person that he was, found himself in a place of power. He was the president, which meant the planning of this occasion was his responsibility, and this was the year we decided to make it profitable. Show the world a taste of Africa for a price. We were inviting "African" dancers, having African drummers, there was a DJ, though whether or not he was African was not determined. We were making this into a full-blown African extravaganza.

My father entrusted me with the task of getting the Nigerian anthem to a playable forum. I had it all figured out. I had recorded the anthem from the computer to the recorder, then I had planned to play it over the microphone at the part. Everything was set. Nothing could go wrong. When my dad told me to go to the front and stand by the podium just in case, I refused because I knew everything was all good. At the tender age of 14, I knew what I was doing, and that would be the day with some crotchity old man would tell me what to do.

Now don't go pretending like you can't relate; like you weren't totally resilient and strong and grown as soon as teen was at the end of your age. I had done everything: I had a great idea and I was sure that the excution would be as flawless as the planning because I had done it. But, as I said, even the best laid plans were meant to be broken.

Of course, when the time came to do what was required, I stood in the back of the room, not the front as I was instructed, and watch the pre-recorded anthem go up in flames. I watched and listened as the recorder would start, and then went on to play the wrong thing. I watched as everything that I thought was so flawless, came out to be as tainted as sewer water.

This is when I learned the valuable lesson that part of being grown was listening. Here I thought I knew it all, and when the person who knew way more, who was older and wiser than me, the person who tried to help me, told me exactly what I should do, I turned a deaf ear and I paid the price. If growing up stresses us out, maybe listening to someone who genuinely wants the best for us, could help us along the way. Tell what's right and wrong, tell us what's good and bad, tell us what we need to know, but maybe not what we want to hear. Sometimes that little annoying voice is right, and maybe just maybe if we open our ears, and our minds, we could make this growing up thing a whole lot easier.

Internal Warfare

You know what's the worst: being a sure person who has no clue. I wanna say I have it all figured out, and usually, I do have it all figured out, but I am at a point in my life where I have nothing figured out, where things are in a state of turmoil and confusion, and truly it sucks. I like to have all my plans well laid out so at least there is some guideline to follow but every aspect of my life is unsure, undecided, and just plain unclear. It's a classic case of being at war with your own mind. There is the third world war taking place in my mind, and I don't know what to do. I get sick to my stomach imagining all the turmoil I find myself in, and it is disheartening.

Career-wise, I am totally clueless. I am being pulled in 14342 directions by my own mind and that is frustrating. Being at war with myself sucks, because no matter if I win, I lose, because I was on the other side. I want to do the smart thing, but I want to do the thing that will make me happy, but I want to do the thing that will make...oh I don't even know, I'm just at a loss, and it's really frustrating.

In the midst of writing this, my life found a way to get a little bit harder. I'm working at a good company this summer, and it's really cool, but it is in no way what I want to do. It's semi-resume building, but with the way school is for me, I need a little better than semi. And then there is this other company that I am being interviewed for, and this company is resume building, and might just be exactly what I want to do with my life, like we are talking career worthy. I thought maybe I can just quit the one job I am currently at, and go for the better one, but then the job I am at currently wants me to meet with the Human Resources because I was referred by someone big, like huge in the company. Now while this would normally be amazing, I am in the midst of being interviewed for a better job, and I don't want to let anyone go, but that is just not an option. I am freaking out.

Of course, there is the confusion of the opposite sex. I am an outgoing person when it comes to everything but men I am interested in. In that area I falter, and it seems like this is the time for me to step out of my shell, get out of the friend territory, and show my true colors so when that the special someone comes along I am available, but of course I am at war with myself, and I won't let myself out of my cage long enough to let a person know how I feel. So I am beating myself up for not going after what I want, but the reason I won't go after what I want is because I keep telling myself I'm not ready. I want to be more than a friend to that person, but I would lose the comfort that I find in the friend zone. Once again, a battle that I cannot win.

Basically, in everything that is near and dear to me has found a way to confuse and frighten me, and it's really hard. I want to make everyone happy, especially myself, but how can I make me happy, when I don't know what me wants. Usually, there is some answer tied up in a bow, waiting to be picked up by our minds, but this time, I have none. My answer is to keep searching for answers. Maybe it will resolve itself, or maybe it's time I, you, we, got off our asses, and decided that we weren't done until an answer is received. *Sigh* And I'm told it only gets harder.

Pop Goes The Cycle.

As is customary human practice, there is a tendency to fall into what one would call a cycle. A cycle can be defined as repeated behavior. We somehow find comfort in the repetition and continue in this practice until something drastic happens to shift the occurrence of such events. Until this happens, however, the cycle continues to run into infinity.

I am not exempt from this. I have found myself many a time falling into a pattern, that though I find sickening and monotonous, I cannot be pushed to break. I see the patterns, the cycles, and their destruction. I see the mortality rate rising at my expense. I see the harm that faces every corner I turn. I know that it's wrong, and that if I don't stop I will only reap sadness, but for some reason, the cycle over comes me, and I find myself back in a place of distress.

I have likened this cycle to an addiction. You start the habit as a leisurely type thing; something that you only do on rare occasions when celebrating something. A social grace that everyone does to fit in. But then, this habit begins to happen a little more often, and when people aren't always around. Then this habit turns from somewhat of a social grace to something that you always do. Something that you go through your day without. At this point, you begin to want to hide this habit that once was social.

You have now reached the point where you feel the need to not only hide the fact that you have a habit, but then you want to show everyone that you are fine. Everything is fine. All things are...fine. It's at this point when the big bang happens. When everything goes wrong, and the habit or cycle must be broken for survival.

It's at this point where a decision must be made: will you break the cycle and choose the change or will you fall back to the old familiar cycle, something that is so comforting but so wrong.

I think it's time to break the cycle. Be free from what was, and walk into what could be. Break the cycle, break the cycle, break the cycle. There is no need to be comfortable, when there is a chance to be happy. Go be happy, and live free.

It's Like Microwaving Eggs.

Pressure is a powerful thing. It’s like pressure is the amnesia, and we get knocked out, beaten really, until what is left of us is something that only somewhat resembles who we once were. A person can get so caught up in trying to make everyone happy, that they only lose who they are to others, but mostly to themselves. I’m not saying go about life with a self-serving attitude, but when we are making decisions about anything, from school to marriage, a person should have majority rule in their own decision. Many use the mask of wisdom and love to say that what they want is superior to what you want, and in your best interests. And what’s even crazier,these so called friends and family genuinely think that they are helping you, and by going against them in your thoughts and actions, you are headed to something equivalent to death. While the warnings are appreciated, but there is a sick appeal that lies in walking to the edge of the cliff and falling, so that when one painfully lands, and trust the land is unforgettably painful, there is only the knowledge of moving up. While pressure is inevitable, if there is the hope that a person wants to do exactly what everyone wants all at once without upsetting a single soul, that is a quick and easy way to be commit mental homicide. Experience while painful and rude, is something that everyone craves. No one wants recycled warnings and advices that someone else has in their arsenal; there is a desire to go out, be stupid, and build up what could be one’s own repertoire of recycled warnings and advices. Inevitably, there comes a point where we find it in ourselves to offer this “advice” in the form of helping a person we care about deeply. But alas, this ain’t gonna happen. I guess this rejection could be deemed the unofficial welcome into adulthood...