Coincidence? I Think Not.

I believe that things, ALL things, happen for a reason.

Nothing is coincidence. There is a purpose for every action, and whenever something is strangely uncanny and oddly perfect, that's because it was supposed to happen. There are reason that there are these gut feelings, these innate reactions that we can't help, these situations that we can't explain, reasons which I won't explain here, but feel free to come and ask, and I will be more than happy to let you know.

There are too many people on this planet to every have a chance meeting. The odds of that happening are so slim, that there are greater hands at work, so with this said I ponder. Say something or someone happens to you, long ago. This thing or person for some reason strikes a chord. You don't know it or them, but there is some strange attraction to it. You can't help but somehow want more of that thing, but you can't explain why.

Now say, this thing goes away for a while like a year or maybe years. There is no contact no nothing to remind you of this thing. Whatever. Then one day, you are accosted by this thing, this magnetic force. You pay it no mind, because you think it's nothing. That strong draw was old, not relevant, but for some reason, not even related to you, this thing winds up right back in your lap, literally....

I said I don't believe in coincidences.

How oh how does it happen that of all things in the world, and all the people, and of all the places, and of all the situations, that you reunite with this thing that feels so right, so ideal and perfect it's sickening. That is the funniest and best and most fantastic feeling in the world. It confirms what you felt about this thing is not one-sided it's mutual, and that confirmation is so overwhelming great.

This is the problem, what do you do when this "thing" cycles it's way back into your life? Do you let it go, calling it some kind of wonderful and leaving it as a wonderful experience? Or do you take the risk to explore where this "thing" could go? The problem with one, is that you are left with the what ifs, wondering if you tried. The problem with two that inevitably it has to be a joint effort; both sides have to want it, and that may not be case.

In the end, all we can do is just be thankful for that chance to feel completely at peace. Whether or not you wind up exploring more or not, what is meant to happen will happen. We can't force something unnatural, because then eventually we end up exactly as we are meant to be. If it feels wrong, it probably is. Once again, I don't believe in coincidences, so if its meant to happen, it will. Don't pressure it, don't wait for it, don't expect it, just live life and appreciate what comes along. If there is an overwhelming feeling to do something more then follow that or you will regret it. If something says walk away, walk away with smile.

Going, Going, Gone

What happens when the passion is gone?

From a relationship, from a hobby, from your life?

The passion is gone. Not officially, but from the looks of it, it seems as though the chapter has ended on that portion of my life. While I want to remain passionate, and I want to say that this is what I want to do, and while I have put in hundreds of hours of time and effort and thought, I just don't want to do it anymore. I feel like when I return, a piece of me is lost, lost in the need to complete something, and not the desire to do well. I want to say that it all seems worth it in the end, that maybe going back to it again and again will some how pay off, but it's not.

Sometimes you say, let me give it more time, another year, another chance, and when that chance disappoints you more than before, when do u decide that it's time to stop, that the time to keep trying has ended. I once thought that this hobby of mine would take me places, that I could capitalize on an ability that very few could boast, but after beating this horse for a few years, when do I realize that it's dead?

And while I want to so desperately let go, I keep thinking, maybe this time will be different. Maybe there could be some change, maybe, if I try harder, and put in more thought, and give it my all, maybe then the passion will return, but even in my moments of short lived success, there is still an dissatisfaction. And what makes it all harder is when you see the other things you could do, when you get a taste, a whiff, of life outside this time-consuming "passion", and the liberation that you could experience, you wanna give up the fight. You wanna move on to bigger and better things, but you can't because what if they aren't as big and good as you thought? What if your mind changes? What if you miss what you once thought you were?

I have built my life around this hobby, and here I am, wanting to rip the rug from under what was once a sound operation. I want to make everyone happy, but what if making everyone meant I lost who I was as a person. I want to make myself happy, but what if that means I lose who I am as a person. Which loss is greater? I want to discover who I am and who I could be, but with this burden on my back I can't. So the question remains, should I give up everything I have am to see what I can become, or should I keep everything I have become because this is who I am?

Change = Confidence

Sometimes it's time for a change. Sometimes it's time to shake things up. We get so accustomed to a certain routine, always doing the same thing, day in and day out, and for sanities sake, there is a need, a desperation really, to switch it up, and that's something that I'm pretty good at.

I'm the type of person who looks at her shoes and thinks, my shoes look....the same. Time to go shopping. I'm the type of person, who looks at her room and thinks, I'm gonna rearrange everything. I'm the type of person who looks at her hair, and thinks I'm tired of short hair, time for braids. It's not impulsive, it's necessary. I enjoy the idea of looking different, of seeming different, of people not being able to predictable. Maybe that's me predictable, but I just like to have change.

Honestly, I think more people should adopt this mentality. More people should be willing to try that color that you don't think you can pull off. More people should be willing to try those earrings that they think they can't do. More people should be willing to try to change small or large things that are part of their lives, because while there is a chance that this could be disastrous, there is still the chance of it being exactly what you needed. It could be chance for you to experience life in a way that is so new and wonderful for you.

While this sounds dramatic, practically speaking, trying to make yourself that much better could be the difference feeling unsure and you feeling confident. Maybe that haircut seems crazy and impossible for you to pull it off, but maybe if you think you can pull it off, that's half the battle. Confidence is not something that just slaps you in the face, it's not about being cocky. It's not even about being better than anybody. Confidence is simply knowing who you are and being willing to accept what life throws at you and make it work.

This Close.

Have you ever felt truly unappreciated?

I'm talking about those times when you truly put yourself out there, when you wear that shirt with a little bit more boob or that tight skirt and know that this is your time to be recognized, it's your time to let him know how you feel, and right when the time is right, you watch the person who you were going to make yours fall right into the arms of another girl.

It's like that scene from 27 Dresses when Jane finally gets up the nerve to tell George that she loves him, after she thinks that he sent her flowers. She is so excited and ready to let him know exactly she fells, how she felt about him, and right when she is about to let him know, he finds the eyes of her sister. Jane can't even be properly feel bad because neither her sister nor her boss (George) know how she feels, so she walks away, sad and dejected at the turn of events.

For most of the movie, Jane still longs for the man she can't have, torn up by the time she spent longing after him, while trying to muster the strength to be the bigger person and be happy for her sister, but in the end, the attempts wind up blowing up in her face. I often times, if not every time find myself in a place where I almost find the nerve to finally let him know, finally give him my heart and mind, and right in the nick of time, he finds my friend or my teammate or my dog...basically anyone who is close enough to me, but not quite.

Jane does eventually realize that the person who was there the whole time was actually the one, but that's a romantic comedy ending, and life just isn't about that. Life is about the moments where life lures you into thinking that things are going your way, and snatching the rug from under your thoughts and hopes. Yeah, that sounds right about right.

Bitter sounding? Maybe. Real? Most definitely. I keep telling myself that eventually this will stop happening, but at this point, I'm starting to lose hope and faith in this, and it's getting harder and harder to keep my chin up. I'm this close to throwing in the towel because the pain that I tell myself won't happen because nothing actually happened is more than real.

Oh That Hamster Wheel...

We seem to always be on the go. Always here, always there, always gone. Very rarely is there a time where we stop, think, and enjoy. We live in a time and place where the American dream is worth the stress, annoyance, irritation, insomnia, and torture that we induce on ourselves on a day to day, moment to moment basis. Sweet. While this is all fine and dandy, when do we have time to stop and smell the roses, stop and watch the sunset, stop and enjoy the fruits of our labor? It's like we're on a hamster wheel, rolling, running, moving, but to where? We don't know. But it seems, someone did know.

At work, my work was assigned to me, and my first client was a bit different from the other people I have worked with before. In the fast-paced city of New York, where the cars are fast and the people are faster, this woman was slow. Not in the sense of mental retardation, but everything from here demeanor to her general approach to her speech was labored. This was a big change, and little did I know that I would be taking a chapter from her book of life.

As we walked out the office, we began talking. I did my usual spiel, but she told me she was not here for that, she just wanted to have a look see at some other options. She began talking more, and she said that one of the things she loved most about the city, about life was watching the sunset. Before she made this discovery, her life was going going going. She had no time for nature, she had no time for life, and she certainly had no time for some silly sunset. It was just one day when the sunset caught her by surprise.

She was going about her daily business, rushing to finish one thing so that she could start another, when she happened across the window and caught the sunset. She watched as the color of sky shift and morphed, radiating brilliant shades of light blue, then pink, the softening to purple, and fading right into the dark blue. She was mesmerized by the way the sun stretched, put on its pajamas, and called it a night. Something so powerful, something, so important could throw in the towel and rest, and here she was a lowly human being struggling to do more.

In that moment, she took a moment to reflect, she took a moment to realize that in the attempt to control her life, in the attempt to make all of this happen, in the attempt to live the dream, she had created this nightmare. She had created for herself a place and a situation that not only looked dismal, but ripped the ban-aid off the fact that in the attempt to control her destiny, she lost control of her life. In the attempt to keep a firm hand on everything around her, she wound up being under the firm hand of what she called her life.

In that moment, she knew that in order to truly be in control, she would have to let go of the “control” that she had illusioned herself into having. Only then would she be able to enjoy life, still working and moving and doing, but not for the dream that she had seen herself achieving, but truly for the chance to let it all go, to watch the sunset. This woman, with the calm demeanor, a woman who seemed so unhurried and deliberate was not always this way, and that was ok, in fact better than okay because she had the control that we all are so desperate to have. I was envious of this woman who learned that to truly have control, there was a necessity to lose control, but I knew that this was the goal. She took a break from the hamster wheel and watched her surroundings. She figured out that the goal was to fight to be free from my created control, and enjoy the small things. Enjoy the sunset.

Bask In The Impossible

There was an article on the front page of yahoo that I feel has a very valuable take away. It was an article pondering the success of Ghana during the World Cup. These were the answers:

***But according to Ghana’s Stephen Appiah, it’s not just the fans that have been joining the revelry – the players are at it, too.

Not that Appiah is complaining. In fact, Ghana’s captain believes that the willingness of other World Cup teams to let their hair down between matches is a major reason why his predominantly teetotal side has reached the quarterfinal, where it will take on Uruguay on Friday.

“We are strange,” Appiah said. “If you go to some of the other teams, after a big victory you will see players outside the lobby, drinking and going to bed late. In our camp, you won’t even see the players outside.”

The team, nicknamed the Black Stars, is known for their rugged, uncompromising style on the field, but Appiah insisted that away from soccer they are a united, relaxed and down-to-earth bunch.

“You’ll see us in our rooms, maybe talking to our wives and girlfriends or friends,” Appiah said. “We will be playing cards or listening to music. We always stay in and focus. I think it is a good sign. The moment you think everything is going well and you start getting a cocky head, then everything goes wrong.

“You can see that there is no tension, no pressure. Always with smiles, singing and laughing – stuff like that. What I’ve learned is the more pressure you put on yourself, the more things go wrong.

“So, I have been telling the guys that they should be free and that nobody should even think about the games. For now, we are relaxed, training, laughing, singing, dancing. I think that’s very important.”

“We are proud to represent Africa,” said Gyan, the team’s leading scorer with three goals. “We know the continent is behind and that is great inspiration. It is not something which makes us nervous, it just makes us proud.”***

This is amazing for so many different reasons, the main one being because these guys who are so surrounded by tomfoolery find a way to stay focused through all the distractions. This is the time for them to live it up, but instead they remain low-key, quiet, and energize. This is something to be admired and emulated. This leaves me with one last thought:

GO GHANA!!!

article citation: http://g.sports.yahoo.com/soccer/world-cup/news/ghana-takes-a-pass-on-partying--fbintl_ro-ghana070110.html

And Then What?

To quote a play, "It's like you've wanted something for so long, you don't know what kind of person you would be without the hurt." What happens when we get what we want?

I'm the type of person who wants with a passion. I want so hard that it hurts sometimes. So when I actually get what I want, I sometimes am disappointed because the high of wanting is over. This is when I realize that wanting things is not really about the object, though that is a big part of it, but rather 'wanting things' is about the process of discovering of the object, then proceeding to fall in love with it, and then spending every spare minute, and some occupied minutes, thinking and obsessing over that object. Of course we complain to our friends about how much we hate that we think about this all the time, but the reality is that we are attracted to things that create this excitement in our lives. It's interesting how often this happens in my life, but I am living proof, that getting it is sometimes not enough.

Like for me, as a recruited athlete, choosing college was a bit different and complicated compared to your average college applicant. I enjoyed the calls from various coaches, the bargaining and pleading for me to understand why their school was an ideal fit for me, and why I was the best athlete to complete their team. I publicly "agonized" in the choices that I was given claiming that it was stressful trying to juggle it all, but in secret, I was so excited to bask in all the attention. Coaches were paying attention, peers were paying attention, teachers were paying attention, even the principal was paying attention, and I would be a fool not to be caught up in the hoop-lah.

When I finally chose schools, it was an easy choice. It was a matter of days when I found I got in, and let me tell you: I was disappointed. How dare the attention dissipate. How dare I get the thing I wanted my entire life. I was happy with the school choice, don't get me wrong, but it was over. All the buildup, all the calls, ended with me getting exactly what I always wanted, and I was upset. I didn't have the romanticized excitement surrounding college decisions anymore. I was left alone with this wonderful school, and I simply wasn't happy, at first.

This sounds completely ridiculous and outrageous, but we have ALL gone through this, and it's disappointing every time. We get over it, eventually, but we miss all the drama at first. I got over the not having to not apply to 13o433473 schools but for a while I went through a time of depression, a time of longing for the tv version of senior year of high school. It's so common for us to make the process of getting something so much more exciting than the prize in the end, and that is setting ourselves for dissappointment. What do we do when we get what we want?

Well, theoretically, we should rejoice, dance for joy, and be excited for what the future holds, but I have a feeling most of us long for the excitement that once was, and eventually get over that. Then we move on to feigning happiness in our opportunity, up until we are actually happy with our desired object. Am I saying we are never happy with what we get? No not at all, but there is a process of mourning that takes place for us to appreciate what we get in the end. But once all that nonsense is over, then we are left with something that we truly have worked our hardest to get, and really appreciate.

Caged Dog, Same Tricks

One day, my dog did the strangest thing. Now its not particularly strange dog behavior, and it's not even particular strange behavior. Wait, it wasn't the strangest thing because it was so typical. Maybe I should say that this was the thing that was so obvious that we as humans forget to recognize it.

Well, one day, my brothers went to school and did the usual let-the-dog-do-its-thing in the backyard, but this morning was different. They left the back door open. The dog was out the cage and free from the world that it had know. The dog was free to travel the streets, soaking up knowledge and doing the things that other dogs only imagined.

During this time I was asleep, because they were going to school during the ungodly hour that was required during the years of primary and secondary education. I was roused from my sleep by a doorbell. I was disoriented, and I ignore the ringing, until I realize it is in fact a ringing doorbell. I rush downstairs, and I open the door. There stands my neighbor with our dog in her hand. The dog that could have gone anywhere it chose goes from the back door to................................the front door.

I didn't automatically make the connection then, but after much thought, and a lot of time, it occurred to me: that was sad. So many people or dogs or caterpillars have the back door open exposing them to the world that is outside everything comfortable. There is a world that someone could have the potential to conquer, and they end up in the front door, scraping at the life that they are all to familiar with.

My charge is this: what is life without seeing what is out there? Is it only safe to say that even when the world is at our fingertips we would be better off never leaving at all? If that's the case then nothing would be accomplished, nothing would be invented, or destroyed. There would be no movement, and that would be the saddest of all. Remember: leave, go far away, explore, and if home is "that" place for you, then return. If it's not the place, however, release yourself, and move on.

I'm just putting it out there

In order to get something done, one has to do it: a concept brilliantly hidden in deceptively simple wording. In practice, however, this adage is something that takes way more effort than one would think to apply. People, as a general rule of thumb, are so caught up in the grandiose of planning, that action just becomes another bullet on the to-do list. There is always talk about doing this on Saturday or going there on Tuesday, but Saturday becomes next Wednesday, and Tuesday becomes two Sunday from now, until gradually, but surely, someday we will get around to it. Little do we know that the secret to getting around to doing it is doing it. This seems so simple, so easy, so obvious, but if that was the case, why aren’t more people do it? No talk, no plans, no intentions, just action. Just going out and signing up for that break-dancing class we always saw through the window on the way home from work, or going to that restaurant that boast the first Mexican-Thai-Mongolian menu in the world: actions like these are what bring about change. Actions like these are what allow us to be who we always wanted to be, and if that happens to be what we planned, then the world is that much better. If this isn’t the ideal change in direction, then take it for what it is and relish in the fact that something has gotten done, and that’s one less thing on the to-do list.