A situation this sticky sucks, and many of us have been there...again and again. I have a few options: I could wait, I could be angry at them, I could be sad with myself, or I could let him know and actually have an answer so I can move forward away from him or toward him. Currently, I am in this situation where I want a person, but the time is all wrong, and they aren't ready. What to do what to do?
A: Here's what could happen if I wait:
So he's not ready now, but he will be ready at some point right? I will just give him his space; I will give him time to see that I'm exactly what he needs. Sure he's sprung over that girl, sure he wants to experience the world, sure he wants to be a bachelor, but I'm here and he has to know that I'm better than that, that I can give him exactly what he needs and wants. I will just wait for him to realize this, subtly sending him hints that I like him.
Two years later, I am still pining, and he is finally ready to put himself out there......to be with that other girl. Perfect.
So this is a no.
B: Here's what could happen if I get angry:
I would lash out. I would write hate letters to him. I would pick up song writing and then write a song about his life would suck with me and how he is making a mistake not loving me then and there. I would become a poet so that I could write a sonnet about how much he's missing out on, how this body could have been his, how this mind could have been his, how this heart could have been his, but he missed out so he's gonna regret that for life.
I'm bitter, and anger takes up time so I waste an interesting amount of time being angry, and no time getting over it.
Yeah, I don't think so.
C: Here's what could happen if I got sad:
I would mope, wallow, and cry. I would search out every song in the world about a broken heart. I would drive down the road, turn the sad song all the way up, and then cry some more. I would question, ponder, and look out of it. Everything would be a trigger, a reminder of what I could have had, of what I wanted so badly but I could not make happen. I would start a blog making a call for all the hearts that have been broken by someone close.
I'm just stuck in this mindset of being sad, and I cannot move forward. I cannot taste freedom so I sit around, and I'm sad.
Somehow, that doesn't sound appealing either.
D: Here's what I should do:
Me: Hey, um do you want to go to the [fun activity that couples can do] together and then maybe get something to eat?
Him: [It doesn't matter what he says]
You or I or we need to put ourselves out there before we get to any of these points of pining or anger or sadness. We need to test the waters just to at least know if there is any chance. If he answers sure why not, but then he's on his phone, he did it because he likes you as a friend and not much more, and he does not know how to say so, so save him and you the trouble and pay attention. If he says sure why not, and then he is attentive the whole time, engaging in conversation with the occasional flirt, then there may be hope. If he says, um I don't like museums so I'm gonna pass, what he really means is that he doesn't like you so I'm gonna pass. If a guy likes a girl he will do just about anything to spend time with her. Either way, at least you know what the answer to the ever-plaguing question, does he like me, is.
Now it's time for me to follow my own advice.
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