When I pose the question why not me, I always, and I mean always get the response because guys are intimidated by you. By what though? Is it my stature? Is it my voice? Is it my way of twisting words to make you come off looking the fool?
In the end, I sigh and simply take it as it is. It's to the point where my dad agrees that I can be intimidating. His answer to my question is to somehow lessen my personality and become a suddenly demure girl..............who grew up in a house of rowdy boys.........with no real friends in my childhood.....................yeah, not gonna happen. But then by lessening my personality, would I come off as a shy, insecure girl? And THEN would I get the proper type of attention? I have a feeling that that may not be the case.
So then my mom offers her 2 sense saying be yourself, but just don't talk as much. As much I would like to stop, you have to understand that you have nurtured a monster for 20 years, so that's gonna take more than a simple request to change. Besides, by being myself, that in it's very nature would mean being as extra as I really am.
Then I start to think, why am I not the one who says something. I'm always complaining about being called intimidating, so why haven't taken the initiative to go after someone? Why haven't I decided that since they are going to be giant pussies, I will wear the balls and ask them? It seems that I myself am actually intimidated. I just like the guy, fear rejection to the point that I am not willing to put myself out there in the slightest way. I am so far introverted, that I don't even know how, even if I tried, to put myself out there.
I am a scared little girl, and most girls can identify with this. What most girls can't identify with is the "problem" of being intimidating, so they are a lot more likely to have some guy channel their insecurities and swoop in to the rescues. People like me fall into this place where the guy simply thinks you have it all figured out, and you don't need him to swoop in. What the guy doesn't understand is that, because I'm so "intimidating" a swoop in, is exactly what I need because, ironically enough, I have become insecure about not being insecure. Sheesh.
This seems more like a rambling, but I really just want to know why I am so intimidating? People make assumptions about me and my background, and assume that my actions are motivated by typical causes, when in reality, more lies beneath the service. Sure it's scary to put yourself out there, and this goes for me too, and sure rejection hurts like a little b****, but if we do get what we want, isn't that risk soooo worth it?
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