Between A Rock And A Hard Place

Is there something that's bigger than a crush, but not quite love?

Can what you feel for a person go deeper than just a crush, but you don't know the person enough to quite call it love? It's almost like when you see that person, or you think of that person you get happy and sad and mad and glad. You think of the wonderful things, and you think of the terrible things, and you think of the things that literally tear you up inside. You think of the time that that person made you laugh, and you can't help but laugh, and then because you laugh, you cry because this person most likely won't know.

You see, you are stuck in this awkward spot with this person, because what you feel for this person is irrational. To the logical person, to your own logical mind, this does not make a lick of sense. You want to say that everything has it's place and that you can explain this, but there are no words for this.

Maybe you have only seen this person a hand full of times, but when were together, what was there was so real, that it actually hurts. Maybe you know this person well, and there is something so established as friendship, that you won't let yourself go farther. Maybe you know this person wants someone else while you want them, and there is no chance for you to get them. Maybe a handshake and a smile set you off, and you can't even think straight when just the thought or mention of them crosses your path.

And the biggest problem is that this is an awkward places, because crushes are fun and they give you butterflies and something to happily obsess about, and when you are in love, that's an all consuming time in your life where you are happy to follow the person, to do whatever they want with an open mind and heart. This limbo sucks because you are past the point of having fun, and pass the point of butterflies, and you are not able to trespasses into the land of in-love bliss. You having feeling of dread and want and hope that the person will magically see you, like SEE you, and know that you are it, but you know that this isn't happening and you know it.

What do you do? Nothing really. You just live with it, and take it one day at a time, and as the saying goes, time heals all wounds.